


I'm Sorry

by slutforsabriel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, But he's a dick in this one, Crying Gabriel, Everyone's a lil sad, Gabriel Needs a Hug, Human Gabriel, I love Lucifer, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Past Abuse, Sad Gabriel, Sam is a Sweetheart, Supportive Sam Winchester, i'm sorry in advance, so am I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 03:56:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8356117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slutforsabriel/pseuds/slutforsabriel
Summary: Gabriel's back from hell with Lucifer, but things are going to be tougher than expected.





	

It had been 2 weeks,

2 weeks since he got back from hell

 

⠀⠀⠀Shouldn't he be over this already? Humans seemed to get over things pretty fast why hadn't he? He had been there when humans were created, shouldn't he know at least something on how their minds worked?

 

⠀⠀⠀For 2 weeks every time he shut his eyes he could hear him, feel the pain. Every night was the same.

 

⠀⠀⠀ _'You're pathetic Gabriel, you could hit back right now, I'm not even guarding my angel blade. But you won't. Wanna know how I know? Because you think that one of these beatings, I'll come to my senses and stop, so we can rekindle our undying brotherly love for each other and we can go back to Heaven and everything will be normal.' Lucifer  spat before standing up._

 

_A kick to the chest._

 

_'Your weakness has always been love Gabby, you know it too.'_

 

_A kick to the stomach left him winded._

 

_'You're trying to fix something that was never there.'_

 

_Gabriel felt tears stinging behind his eyes. No matter how many times he heard the same spiel it still got to him_

 

_A kick to the face. Another to the chest. Another to his throat. The blows were endless and they kept coming until Gabriel was begging for his older brother to stop._

 

_'Lucifer please stop.' He'd say meekly._

 

_Lucifer snorted with defiance, knowing he had broken his little brother. He'd won._

 

_The guards would take Gabriel away, lock him up in his cell until Luci felt like using his favorite punching bag again._

 

_It wasn't the hitting that broke him, it was the words- Lucifer knew it too._

 

⠀⠀⠀Gabriel would always wake up in a cold sweat, tears threatening to come out and his chest felt tight. Like someone was coiling their hands around his throat and squeezing as tight as they could. He wouldn't be able to breathe for a few moments and he had to calm himself down. He considered talking to the Winchesters about it- maybe even Cas- but he figured it was normal. That all humans went through it when in shock or grief. 

 

It wasn't until a couple weeks later that one of the Winchesters, Sam, found out about his nightmares. He and Sam were sat in the library researching for a case when out of the blue Sam looked up from his book.

 

"Hey Gabe, you don't have to talk about this if you don't want too, but what did he do to you?"

 

"Well whaddya mean Samasaurous?" Gabriel knew damn well what Sam meant.

 

"I mean, what did Lucifer do to you in Hell?"

 

The shorter man paused and sucked in a breathe. 

 

_Just answer the god damn question Gabriel._

 

"Well-" His voice came out shaky. He had to pull himself together, he was not going to make a scene in front of Sam fucking Winchester.

 

"Uhh- he..." He scraped his memory for anything that wouldn't be to graphic, memories flooding past him as he did so.

 

_'You're pathetic Gabriel.'_

 

_'You're an embarrassment of an Archangel, even dad would acknowledge that.'_

 

_"No Angels gave two damns that you died Gabriel- stop hoping that some how- some way- you'll be saved.'_

 

⠀⠀⠀Gabriel didn't know he was doing it. He had stood up from where he had previously resided in his chair and was slowly backing away, he needed to be anywhere but here. 

 

_Don't make a scene Gabriel_

 

⠀⠀⠀His back hit a bookshelf and he felt himself crumple to the floor, it felt like something was pressing down on his lungs- he couldn't breathe. A familiar wetness ran streaks down his cheeks- he was crying? The former archangel clasped a hand over his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. 

 

_'You really think things can go back to the way they were? Just a big happy family? News flash little bro- that's never going to happen.'_

_Lucifer ran the blade just below his ribs creating a long red cut. It took all Gabriel's strength not to cry out in pain._

 

"Hey hey Gabe, shh it's okay, just breathe okay? C'mon inhale, exhale, just like this."

 

Sam's voice snapped him out of his dark maze of memories and his eyes shot open to focus on the hunter, suddenly becoming aware of the aching burn in his chest. Gingerly Gabriel moved his hand and after a moment managed to inhale a shaky breath. ⠀ ⠀

 

"Yeah that's it, just repeat after me okay? Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale." ⠀ ⠀

 

⠀⠀⠀A few minutes went by of Gabriel trying to calm down. Occasionally his breath would get caught in his throat but Sam was there to coax him into a steady pattern yet again. On one inhale though, instead of exhaling he heaved a soft sob. It must've taken the him by surprise as it took a few moments to try and soothe him. Gingerly he rested his hand on the smaller man's shoulder. ⠀

 

⠀ "I'm so sorry Gabe.." Sam said softly, pulling the smaller man into a gentle hug ⠀

 

⠀ Gabriel melted into it and grasped onto the hunter's shirt, letting his sobs come freely now. ⠀ ⠀

 

⠀⠀⠀It felt like hours before the former archangel had calmed down enough to even form a coherent sentence, Sam had sat with him the whole time, not said anything, just sat there quietly and offered comfort. ⠀

 

⠀ "Hey Gabe do you have these often? Y'know moments when you feel like you can't breathe and the world is kind of zeroing in on you?" The taller man asked almost hesitantly.

 

⠀ ⠀ It took Gabriel a moment to reply, still not ready to trust his voice. ⠀

 

⠀ "Yeah, most nights I mean, I have dreams of it. Why? Isn't that normal?" He finally replied. ⠀

 

⠀ "No Gabe, they're called Anxiety attacks. I used to have them a lot during High School and Middle School. Why didn't you come to me-or even Dean sooner?" Sam asked softly. ⠀ ⠀

 

⠀"I thought they were normal I guess- maybe I was too prideful to admit I didn't know what the fuck was happening." Gabriel manged a weak smirk.

 

 

"Listen, I'm so sorry for asking I knew I should've minded my own buis-" Sam started but was quickly stopped.

 

"It's fine Samshine, you didn't know, I didn't know." Gabriel managed a soft smile.

 

"Thanks for, y'know, being there I guess. Oh God I'm a fucking sap." Gabriel snorted after a moment of silence, his remark raised a chuckle from Sam.

 

"Just- let me know if you have another anxiety attack okay? But for now, how about we go make tea?" Sam decided standing up and extending a hand to help up the smaller man.

 

"Hot chocolate." Gabriel snorted.

 

"I'll make you eat a green thing one day Gabriel."

 

"In your dreams moose."

 

Yeah okay, maybe being human wouldn't be as hard as anticipated.


End file.
